storytime

15 years ago, I almost died, if it hadn't been a night that was quiet in the ER.

If it hadn't been for the physicians on duty because it wasn't a weekend.

If it hadn't been for the fact I'd been pushed to go because I was clearly not well.

I would not be here right now. 

(Even in the here that I don't really like sometimes. Even in the here that includes isolation, death, divorce, and fits of anger at absolutely everything.)

But I am.

For that, I am grateful. I don't believe there is a reason for everything, but I do believe the universe to be a benevolent co-creator / co-conspirator.

So I'm here. And I need to choose to show up and really be here.

Rather in the sleeping all the time, staying away from friends, and hiding in old patterns.

So I accept that all things are happening at the same time, even when it doesn't feel like it.

Even when I am angry with flashes of happy, hurting with flashes of hope, healing with flashes of stuck.

Even then.